Contrary to traditional forms of communal living that are mostly characterized by homogeneous communities, in our case study buddy and refugee housemates have little background characteristics in common apart from the fact that they are young unmarried adults without children.Footnote 9 How does this affect the social dynamics between inhabitants? And does communal living constitute fertile ground for processes facilitating newcomer integration? As will become clear throughout this section, our data suggest that intercultural communal living can create integration opportunities: it can provide an informal supportive environment to the refugee and may support mutual learning for refugees and buddies. While support focusses somewhat more on the benefits in terms of ‘here and now’, learning hints more at the (potential) long-term impact of communal living. The informal nature of the social interaction is central in both dynamics. However, we also bring to the attention some of the challenges of intercultural communal living, e.g. with regard to communication.
- a)
Communal living as a source of social support for the refugee
Mixed communal living between locals and recently-arrived refugees can be conceptualized as a setting where different types of support are readily available for the refugees. The idea of cohousing as a supportive environment echoes the notion of ‘solidarity housing’ (see above) as well as assumptions that diverse cohousing communities contain a more diverse pool of resources (Williams, 2005).
Frequently, buddies support their housemates through small gestures, such as giving them a ride, helping them to buy something online (for which sometimes a credit card is needed, something the refugees do not have), sharing certain household items (kitchen utensils, a desktop computer, …) or lending or donating spare furniture, a mattress and bed-linen to the refugee. Indeed, the possibility to share stuff is one of the advantages of communal living common to all communal living communities. The following quote of one buddy, however, shows how loaded tangible support can be, even if it is accepted gratefully:
When he [refugee housemate] passed his exam for a very difficult course, I was really like ‘Okay, now you deserve a present. Because if I were to graduate, I would also receive a gift, and you don’t have anyone who can give you something, so I would love to do so. But will you allow me to do this, or not?’ Because this always a difficult issue [whether he will accept this gesture] (...) After some inquiry, it was decided that he wanted shoes. (...) I have not decided yet whether I will buy a voucher, which allows him to buy shoes himself, or if we would go shopping together. But the moment where I pay at the counter would be too difficult for him, so I think that I will buy a voucher. I also started studying again, and he told me ‘I also want to do this for you! When are you graduating?’ (Rob, buddy)
Giving and taking tangible support can evoke an uneasiness on both sides since it highlights differing (financial and social) positions. Likewise, another buddy expressed a sense of guilt when she moved out of the house after 1 year and took all her personal belongings with her, including her sofa, leaving the house rather empty somewhat to the displeasure of her refugee housemates, who were staying there. While these tangible forms of support typically happen in all communal living communities, here they are more pronounced and unidirectional because of the inequalities in financial and material resources between refugees and (most of) the buddies, and the buddies’ generally strong motivation to help their housemates. While it is positive that refugees have access to these resources, it is also a double-edged sword, as it also puts them in a dependent position vis-à-vis their housemates, implying they may feel like they owe certain gratitude to the buddy.
Buddies sometimes also offer support by accompanying refugees to formal institutions, such as a hospital or school. For instance, when Azizullah (a refugee from Afghanistan) mentioned he would like to attend drawing classes, his buddy Sander took him to the open house of the arts school. Here, informational support is intertwined with mental support in the form of companionship or a broader sense of ‘being taken care of’, which relates to another type of social support: emotional support. However, while buddies want to offer a listening ear and show concern when their housemate does not seem to feel well, most of them refrain from prying too much out of a fear of being seen as an ‘interrogator’. Moreover, this wait-and-see attitude is also encouraged during training sessions for buddies, where they are advised against asking direct questions about the refugees’ story and past. As a result, buddies tend to leave the initiative to the refugees to talk about their personal background and issues, and focus more on building a relationship of trust. On their side, refugees sometimes refrain from sharing their worries because they do not want to burden their housemates. Azizullah, for example, does not like to talk too much about his family with his buddy - although they have a close relationship -, because he does not want to bother him with his own worries:
‘When I have problems, … for instance if I don’t feel so well, I don’t want others to feel like that ( …) For instance, when I’m afraid, when I’m sad, if I tell this to him, maybe he would feel like that too.’ (Azizullah, refugee from Afghanistan)
However, buddies provide or contribute to refugees’ emotional well-being in at least three other ways. First, buddies tend to see it as their role to be generally encouraging; for instance by appraising their flatmates when they accomplish something or make progress (e.g. in Dutch language proficiency). Second – and a distinctive feature of communal living - some refugees see the mere presence of flatmates as a source of support:
‘[W] hen you are alone it is difficult to study. If you are alone, you are more likely to start thinking about your past and [your] problems, and then you can get stressed … Now, I am happy. I am living in the moment, attending training every day.’ (Asadi, refugee from Afghanistan)
The excerpt above shows how ‘having someone around’ is perceived as a source of distraction, helping refugees to think less about their past and problems, and to focus more on their future. Suleymaan (a refugee from Somalia), too, explains how he would not want to live alone because then ‘you’re just by yourself the whole time’ without anyone to talk to. While he and his buddy do not spend much time together, the mere fact of having another person present in the house seems to make him feel better. In larger communal living arrangements, where multiple refugees and buddies cohabitate, this companionship support also involves the other refugees:
Alone is not good. (…) Someone alone, he thinks about everything. (…) Yes, when I am alone, more stress. Here [in the house] [it is] good, I talk to people. Do you know Yasin [refugee flatmate]? (…) He sits here sometimes to watch television. Do a little bit of activities. (Asadi, refugee from Afghanistan)
Third, when buddies observe or suspect the refugees have psychological issues, they signal this to the psychotherapist or other professional caregivers who are involved in the wider supportive programme. For instance, when Bashir, a refugee from Syria, was having a hard time and displayed signs of depression and even suicidal thoughts, his buddy Yasmina warned his social worker, thereby enabling referral to appropriate professional support.
Sometimes, social support not only draws on the refugees’ housemates, but also on the buddies’ broader social network. In one case, a friend of the buddy comes by weekly to offer supplemental training to a refugee struggling with French classes (a compulsory subject in regular education in Flanders). Sometimes, parents of the buddies jump in to assist refugees with small services and favours, such as repairing their bike, teaching them how to use a sewing machine, or helping out when they need special care:
Once I had an accident. I drove my bike into a pole … I had an operation on my cheek and my teeth and then Lies really helped me a lot. And her father and mother also (…). They made a lot of soup for me, because for 1 month, 2 months I couldn’t eat [solid food].’ (Mursalin, refugee from Afghanistan)
Arguably, an important motivation for the buddy’s extended network to lend a helping hand is that the refugees are young and unaccompanied, due to which they are perceived as ‘alone’ in Belgium and therefore in need of support. This type of support shows how the buddies’ supportive social networks may also extend to their housemates, however, usually this was not the case and where it was primarily the buddy him or herself who provided support.
While many of the above-mentioned types of informational and emotional support may also take place in traditional, organized befriending programmes (outside a setting of communal living), the low threshold to ask for help or information is unique in this case, due to the quasi-permanent availability of the buddy. In addition, buddies often spontaneously offer help and are able to detect particular needs related to the refugees’ day-to-day activities. It should be noted that particularly emotional support can be reciprocal. For instance, refugees also ask buddies about their day at work, or make tea when the buddy is ill. However, due to the set-up of the project in which the refugees’ vulnerabilities are emphasized (Mahieu & Ravn, 2017), and the inequalities between flatmates (in resources, but also in their motivation to participate), it is not surprising to find that buddies offer more support to their flatmates than the other way round. Finally, it should also be stressed that the extent to which different types of support emerge depends on many factors, such as the particular needs, capacities and personalities of the flatmates and the nature of their relationship. As a result, there were also several duos between whom support asked or offered was merely minimal.
- b)
Communal living: room for mutual informal learning
Mixed collective housing can also be conceptualized as an environment where informal learning for both locals and refugees occurs. While this conceptualization partly overlaps with looking at communal living as a supportive environment,Footnote 10 it draws the attention to benefits that potentially last after the temporary communal living ends. In addition, it highlights mutual dynamics between locals and refugees.
Learning processes, in particular in the realm of language and cultural learning, are vital in newcomer integration since they facilitate inclusion in crucial domains, such as education, labour market and health (Ager & Strang, 2008). As we argue below, communal living carries the potential to facilitate or accelerate these and other types of learning, and as such, to complement the learning processes taking place in formal (e.g. Dutch language courses, full-time education) or non-formal (e.g. workplace internships) learning environments. Below we group the learning experiences we observed into three categories: language learning, intercultural-societal learning and shifting mutual perceptions.
The house as a safe language learning environment
A first domain of learning regards language learning. For the young refugees, the prospect of acquiring better proficiency in Dutch was an important motivation to enter the project. Even though not all buddies have Dutch as their mother tongue, they all master the language, while the refugees, who on average have been in Belgium for about 2 years before entering the project, are still in the early process of learning it. In accordance with the project aims, the language of communication between the refugees and their local flatmates is primarily Dutch. Many refugees report how after a period of living in a mixed setting, they feel more confident speaking Dutch.
My Dutch is quite a bit better than before, because before I lived alone. Now I live with people. Now I feel more confident to ask questions; for example, when we’re watching TV together, then I will dare to ask what the programme is about, or what the meaning of this word is. (Yasin, refugee from Iraq)
[Before], I was living in a LOI [local reception initiative for asylum seekers]. There I always spoke Pashto, never Dutch. Only in class, in school [I did]. Here I come home and I always speak Dutch. Always, with Yasin, Rob and Els. (Asadi, refugee from Afghanistan)
As highlighted in the first quote, Dutch language learning is embedded in everyday domestic practices, such as watching TV. It also indicates how the television is employed as a learning tool rather than being merely a source of leisure. Menial tasks such as cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, doing groceries etc. are also common sources of conversation. In addition, as the second statement highlights, during their initial period in Belgium, refugees often have few opportunities to practice Dutch – especially colloquial Dutch with peers in an informal context.
Buddies, for their part, report that after a while they find it easier to talk with their housemate, on the one hand because their flatmate’s language level has improved, but likely also because they have become more skilful in communicating with a Dutch language learner. Therefore, though the newcomer is doing most of the learning, an adaptation has also occurred on the side of the buddies, which resonates with the notion of integration being a two-way process. In addition, buddies indicate how they use an array of strategies to support their housemates’ language learning process. For instance, they give positive affirmation concerning their housemates’ Dutch language level, explain words they do not understand or help them to understand formal letters. Furthermore, some deliberately create ‘speaking opportunities’ for their newcomer flatmates, for instance by encouraging them to use the common rooms by putting facilities there (e.g. a desk with a shared computer) or by hanging around in the common room themselves (to highlight their availability for a talk). During conversations, buddies intentionally ask side-questions, in order to move beyond superficial ‘how are you / I’m fine’ conversations. While many of these activities clearly serve other goals too, such as establishing a relationship or building trust, creating opportunities to practice Dutch are an important driver in the social interactions.
While the language gap between refugees and their buddies opens up an array of opportunities for language learning, the downside is that communication among housemates does not always run smoothly, especially during the early stage of communal living. Particularly for conversations concerning personal matters, besides factors such as general social skills, cultural and gender differences and psychological vulnerability, language is sometimes experienced as a barrier. As a result, in most houses more in-depth conversations between buddies and refugees remain relatively rare. Communiciation difficulties were cited by project participants as a major reason why their relationships did not evolve into deeper friendships, which also reveals the limits of interculturalism as an approach.
In sum, the confluence of two characteristics defines the setting of mixed cohabitation as a language learning environment. First, interaction is taking place in an informal setting and revolves around everyday issues, including shared responsibilities in the communal living areas, contrasting with an artificial classroom setting where there is also a hierarchical relation between language learner and teacher. Importantly, when buddies have too high expectations about the refugees’ language progress this turns out to be counterproductive. In one case a buddy invested much effort in language learning without it yielding the expected results, and this led to mutual frustration. This indicates how the informal and non-performance-oriented character of learning needs to be respected. Second, the nature of the buddy as a willing conversation partner for the newcomer sometimes differs from newcomers’ limited or more negative experiences with native speakers in the public sphere, where people are often impatient or unwilling to talk. This illustrates how in order to realize the premises of interculturalism, it is important to invest in safe spaces for encounters between different groups.
Learning about Belgian society and culture and the newcomers’ society and culture of origin
A second domain of learning can be framed as intercultural and societal learning. For refugees, the everyday interaction with local housemates helps them to decipher Belgian society and its (tacit) cultural, social and other rules, norms and institutions. Many of the buddies regard their own willingness to explain Belgian society as a central part of their commitment. For instance, one buddy described himself as ‘a teacher-buddy’, as he often explained things that he considered to be commonly understood in Belgium, such as the right to euthanasia in case of an incurable disease.Footnote 11 However, in these interactions, he is also aware of how he is learning about his housemate’s views on this topic. Another buddy has taken up the habit of explaining his own social activities (e.g. going out, going to festivals) to his refugee housemate, as a way of familiarizing him with the ‘ordinary’ social life of young Belgians.
While buddies are generally open to the newcomers’ questions, one buddy lamented feeling like a ‘Google-buddy’ who was approached by his housemate mainly as an off-line search engine, and that apart from practical questions, little interaction was taking place. Others reported that, at times, it is exhausting having to explain so much, which indicates that, while learning is recognized by the inhabitants as one of the merits of mixed communal living, if the social interaction focuses on this aspect only, or does not take into account the capacity of the other housemates, it may work counterproductively.
While the project has the aim of familiarizing newcomers with Belgian society, it is clear that in practice, learning happens in different directions. For instance, newcomers also pass information on actively to other newcomers, and buddies report how they learn about the refugees’ backgrounds and viewpoints.
Like language acquisition, learning about each other’s culture and society is triggered by everyday practices and experiences, embedded in the shared living space, like domestic activities. For instance, buddies frequently report how they watch TV-shows with their housemates and discuss the content. For example, watching ‘Married at First Sight’Footnote 12 and other dating programmes prompts conversation about relationships and different views on them. Sometimes TV programmes are deliberately chosen for this purpose, which points at intentionality in learning: in one of the houses, a popular Belgian children’s programme about the human body and sexuality as well as a show about transgender people and drag queens are watched together, as the buddy wants to spark discussions about these sensitive issues.
Again, the bi-directionality of learning processes should be noted. For instance, buddy Annabel reports how discussions about relationships are informative for her, because it made her realize that the notion of ‘romantic love’ as being the best basis for a relationship is not shared across different cultures. In addition, news items on the newcomers’ origin countries incite newcomers to share stories about these countries. Buddies not only expand their knowledge about other cultures; their intercultural attitudes and skills are affected as well:
My initial way to deal with it [different opinions] (…) used to be pedantic, whereas now, I do not have the pretention to change their perspectives. I would rather ask,” Why do you think that?: (…). So [I would rather apply] a Socratic approach, in order to try to really understand why they think something. (Ruben, buddy)
In addition, the refugees’ attitudes also incite introspection among the buddies about their own attitudes: for instance, various buddies report being inspired by the generally welcoming attitude of their refugee housemates, for whom sharing food and offering help to people in their network are self-evident.
Learning about life in Belgium also takes place on a more practical level, e.g. in the realm of household responsibilities. For many refugees, it is the first time they are living independently, since as minors they stayed in government-funded accommodation. Just as for their native peers, many tasks and routines related to renting and maintaining a house (making small repairs, sorting the waste and putting garbage outside at the right moment, communicating with the landlord, negotiating with neighbours, dealing with a power outage, adjusting the thermostat, reading the energy meter, using the washing machine, etc.) and, more broadly, living independently (organizing cleaning and cooking, buying groceries, paying bills, etc.) are unfamiliar to them. In addition, the mostly male newcomers often grew up in social environments where household responsibilities were almost exclusively a female matter; and where other tasks (such a waste sorting) were absent or organized differently. Especially the somewhat older and/or female buddies tend to highlight how they ‘educate’ their younger, male housemates in the essentials of household tasks, not just by explaining them, but also by setting the example and showing for instance how to clean (e.g. what cleaning products to use). Therefore, while more difficult to pinpoint, it is obvious how the young refugees also learn by observing their housemates’ household practices. This leads to a type of practical skill that is often overlooked in discussions on ‘newcomer integration’ but indispensable, as a lack of these skills may for example lead to troubles with homeowners and neighbours, or may even have financial consequences (e.g. fines due to incorrect garbage sorting). Typically, it is also a sort of knowledge that is not addressed in formal educational settings. However, it should be stressed that in several cases, newcomers do know quite well how to go about these issues, or in some cases, are more self-reliant than their local housemate.
With regard to administrative tasks and day-to-day planning, buddies tend to demonstrate ‘how things are done here’. For instance, one buddy has introduced a ‘letter-hour’, a moment where they both deal with written correspondence, also as a sign that reading mail should not be postponed, especially when it concerns registered letters. More generally, buddies stress how they try to set an example and show how ‘ordinary Belgians’ are arranging their lives in terms of administration, planning, managing their financial budget etc.
Important here is not only the assumed cultural-societal gap (where Belgium is framed as a country with a heavy administrative workload compared to the newcomers’ origin countries) but also the age gap, as buddies tend to be somewhat older than refugees (respectively 25 versus 19 years old, on average). However, some buddies also report learning from their refugee housemates’ survival skills (e.g. how they manage to survive on a very limited budget), perseverance and effectiveness.
Learning about the ‘other’: challenging prior attitudes and prejudices
Buddies and refugees generally entered the project with prior perceptions about one another, based on societal views and prejudices, but also on personal experiences. This, in turn, shapes their expectations and behaviour towards their flatmate. This dynamic is most clear with regard to the gender-culture nexus.
Since most refugees participating in the project are male (95%) and half of the buddies are female (48%), most of the houses and apartments are gender-mixed. Interview data indicate that housemates behave in a more self-conscious way in gender-mixed cohousing. Suleymaan, a refugee from Somalia, says he would act ‘more crazy’ if he lived with a man and would, for instance, be able to sit in the living room without a shirt on. Now that he lives with a girl, he acts more ‘quiet’, with ‘more respect’. Similarly, female buddies report how in the communal rooms, they adapt their behaviour, ‘Because I know how they [my refugee flatmates] think about certain things, like gender stuff, I notice how they see me differently from the way they see [my male buddy flatmate]’. (Els, buddy).
Being more self-conscious about their behaviour and adapting for instance the way they dress is something both the refugees and the buddies mention doing ‘out of respect’ for their flatmates. However, it is clear how gender-mixed communal living – and the adaptations it entails on both sides – is understood through a cultural frame. The buddy quoted above, for instance, also explained that she would probably not be as discrete in her behaviour if she were only living with her native Belgian male flatmate, which suggests how her behaviour is driven by an assumption regarding her refugee-housemates’ cultural otherness, more than simply their different sex. These ‘cultural differences’ and diverging opinions about gender-related issues are also frequently mentioned by other buddies and refugees. While these may sometimes lead to uncomfortable situations (e.g. when a buddy’s boyfriend spending the night causes clear discomfort with the refugee and the buddy therefore decides to limit the frequency of boyfriend visits) in other cases they are experienced more as a source of ‘interesting discussions’ and learning opportunities about perceptions and attitudes regarding gender roles. Obviously, a lot also depends on individuals’ attitudes; not all refugees hold ‘traditional’ views, nor are all buddies equally open-minded in their opinions. Moreover, it is important to note that conflicts or difficulties because of cohousing with female – or in some cases homosexual – flatmates are mediated by the project through screening processes and a matching procedure. In order to avoid problematic social dynamics, only refugees with an open attitude were matched with female or gay buddies, while refugees with more conservative beliefs were linked to male, heterosexual buddies. A such, the project aimed at creating appropriate conditions for interpersonal contact, and mitigates the risk that ‘contact zones’ turn into ‘conflict zones’ – a risk especially in those areas where tensions between communities prevail (Zapata-Barrero, 2017).
While prior perceptions shape the social interactions between housemates, living together engenders shifts in their ideas about the ‘other’ when these prior perceptions are invalidated – both for refugees and for locals. For refugees who previously found it difficult to socialize with native Belgians, communal living seems to have altered their view on the native population and on Belgian society more broadly:
Yonas: I used to think that all Belgians were racist or something. When you go outside, nobody will talk to you. In Africa, people are more open, you help each other. (…) Belgians are a bit closed. However, if you make contact, [they are] good people. (Yonas, refugee from Eritrea).
The account of buddy Els, after around 1 year of communal living, is equally telling:
I’m a bit ashamed to say this, but if I were to meet Yasin and Asadi [refugee housemates from Syria and Afghanistan] on the street, I would not feel at ease. Because they have a - they do not look like criminals, but … [pauses to think] if they are wearing their leather jackets and all …. these are not men or boys I would feel at ease with, as a girl. But now, if I walk on the street, I see many of this kind of boys, sometimes I even know them as friends of my housemates, sometimes I don’t. I notice that now I feel more at ease with them, because I got to know them. I know now that these are super nice boys, soft-hearted, very friendly. (...) I knew this before with my mind, but I didn’t feel it. Now I really feel it [touches her heart] (Els, buddy).
However, buddies usually think the experience of mixed communal living has not fundamentally altered their viewpoint on refugees. Rather, they feel how their opinion has become much more informed or even embodied (as the above excerpt illustrates), as it is now based on their own first-hand experience. Buddies also report a larger awareness about the particular issues newcomers and refugees need to handle, such as their administrative and legal daily struggles, but also the prejudices they encounter. Buddies tend to stress how they learned how refugees are often more self-reliant than expected and were often surprised to find out that refugees may not need a lot of assistance from them – different from what they expect from a group that is always labeled as ‘vulnerable’.
However, it should be noted that learning processes seem to depend strongly on the nature and frequency of social interaction between the housemates. Therefore, the idea that all of the above types of learning are necessarily taking place should be nuanced strongly. Our analyses indicate rather that whether and to what extent the housemates engage in learning processes depends strongly on the capabilities, availability and willingness of the buddies and refugees. The above examples come from houses where the general atmosphere was good and contact frequent. In places where the social interaction was limited or tense, the outcome was more mixed. For instance, when refugees had a very limited Dutch language proficiency, learning focussed more on language acquisition and practical routines, rather than on deeper intercultural exchange. In other cases, where housemates were rarely around together, or one or both were not interested in social interaction, learning was limited altogether. Moreover, when the experience of communal living was negative, mutual stereotypes were sometimes confirmed.